Becca James: A Best Friend’s Perspective
Nearly 40 years of friendship, resilience, and hope
By Becca’s best friend of nearly 40 years
A Friendship That Began in Childhood
When Becca James and I became friends at around seven or eight years old, we spent our days running around soccer fields, swimming in pools and the ocean, exploring creeks, and hiking through the woods. Becca was athletic, bright, and intelligent. She ran circles around me on the soccer field and swam faster than I did on the swim team. Back then, neither of us could have imagined the challenges that would
become part of her life.
Today, we have shared nearly 40 years of friendship. Ring 20 has affected many aspects of Becca’s life,
but it has never defined all that she is or changed the importance of our bond.
Learning About Becca’s Absences
One of my earliest memories of Becca’s seizures was during a family walk in the woods. She suddenly stared into space and didn’t respond when we called her name. She seemed unaware of what was happening around her. We came to call these episodes her “absences.” They did not always look like the seizures people typically imagine. They could last seconds, minutes, or sometimes much longer, and they
could begin with or without warning.
During an episode, Becca might be quiet and unresponsive, or she might become restless, frustrated, defensive, or agitated. As a child, she understandably struggled with the unpredictability and lack of control. Over time, I learned that her frustration wasn’t personal; she was dealing with something she couldn’t simply stop.
Becca and her family pursued many appointments, tests, medications, and other approaches to manage her condition. She also had a vagus nerve stimulation device implanted in her chest, with a magnet on a bracelet used in an effort to help manage seizure activity. Sometimes it seemed to help, and sometimes it didn’t. I learned that supporting someone does not always mean being able to fix what is happening. Often, it means staying present and offering patience and understanding.
What Becca Has Taught Me
Becca has taught me to listen carefully, pay attention to body language, and give people the time they need to express themselves. Her comprehension and communication can vary: sometimes she shares her knowledge and ideas with ease, while at other times she may need more time or support. People who don’t know her well can underestimate her abilities if they judge her by one moment or one conversation. I wish everyone would take the time to see the whole person.
As a veterinarian, I have a deep connection with animals, but Becca’s special way of connecting with animals and children is uniquely her own. She also loves God, her family and friends, movies, and music. And when it comes to movie and music trivia, she will always win!
Becca has reminded me to be grateful for abilities I might otherwise take for granted. She has taught me that friendship isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about showing up, listening, learning, and standing beside someone through difficult times.
A Wedding Memory—and an Unbreakable Circle
One of my most cherished memories is having Becca as a bridesmaid at my wedding. The night before, she took it upon herself to interrogate my soon-to-be husband to make sure he was good enough to take care of her best friend. She wanted to know that I would be loved and cared for as I deserved. At one point, my husband and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes. We both understood that her
questions came from a place of deep love, loyalty, and protectiveness.
When I think of a ring, I think of a circle with no beginning and no end—a symbol of commitment, strength, and an enduring bond. That is what my friendship with Becca means to me. Our friendship has lasted through childhood, life’s milestones, and the challenges Ring 20 has brought. It is a circle I hope will always remain unbroken.
Breaking the Ring of Ring 20
While I want our circle of friendship to remain unbroken, I want us to break the circle of Ring 20. I hope continued research will lead to a better understanding of the disorder, improved support, more effective treatments, and ultimately a cure.
Becca is bright, beautiful, intelligent, loving, and special in ways no diagnosis can capture. Ring 20 is part of her story, but it is not the whole story. She deserves to be recognized for her personality, gifts, relationships, and potential—not simply through the lens of a medical condition.
I’m grateful for the nearly 40 years of friendship Becca and I have shared and for everything she has taught me. I can’t change every challenge she faces, but I can stand beside her, share her story, and advocate for a better future for everyone living with Ring 20.
Our friendship has no beginning and no end. Ring 20 does not have to be forever.